When Mark Manson slapped me about the face with a wet fish

I’m a big fan of “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck” – it made me realise that you could “work on yourself” without having to give up swearing and sarcasm, which, frankly, removed a huge barrier to self-awareness. On account of this, I’ve been on Mark Manson’s mailing list for some time and his “Your Next Breakthrough” emails drop into my mailbox regularly. Although I read them with the eager enthusiasm of a devotee at first, I have to confess that they now mostly get deleted unread (yeah, I’m fickle).

Today though, for some reason, I chose to read the latest one and it slapped me about the face with a wet fish

“Love, money, and fame don’t change you, they amplify who you already are.

The generous get more generous.
The insecure get more insecure.
The undisciplined fly off the rails.

Whatever your dream is, know it won’t fix your life for you. It will only multiply what’s already there.

- Mark Manson’s “Your Next Breakthrough” email 07 Sep 2026

The thing is, for the last few weeks I’ve been struggling with feelings of guilt over my good fortune. For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt unworthy of the good stuff in my life.

Since I was a teenager, I have played down my academic success. Even though I had to study hard for it, I was horribly conscious that others also studied hard but without getting the same results: how was that fair?

After university, I muddled my way accidentally into what turned out to be a pretty lucrative couple of decades in the City of London. No matter how hard I worked, how committed I was, how many extra hours I put in, I felt unworthy: how come I had this money when my two closest friends working in the NHS were doing far more good for far less cash?

I feel undeserving of the happiness I have in my second marriage because my first collapsed disastrously. This sense of unworthiness grew even more when a couple of good friends’ husbands died: how could it be fair that, having failed first time round, I was now experiencing ongoing happiness, while their successful first marriages had been cut short so cruelly?

Anyway, this sense of being undeserving and unworthy has been pretty rampant again in recent weeks, because I’m not currently in employment and am lucky enough not to need to be. On the one hand, I am delighted and enormously grateful. On the other hand, I feel guilty as sin because there are so many other people who are just as deserving – hell, WAY more deserving – of this good fortune.

I have wanted to relish this time of not having to work, but instead find myself agonising over the injustice of my luck, and trying (and failing) to justify it.

I particularly want to use this time to focus on the two aspirations I’ve had: to write (a dream since childhood) and to earn some kind of living as a coach/counsellor. I have, at various times and in various ways, put time, money and effort into both. But, again and again, I let go of the progress I’ve made and hold back from “going all in”, even when faced with such a perfect opportunity as this.

For a long time, I thought it was a fear of failure. And maybe that’s part of it, but I don’t think it’s the whole story, because I’ve experienced some nasty failures, and while I certainly didn’t enjoy them, they taught me that I can and will survive failure.

Mark Manson’s email may just have explained that reluctance to commit to my dreams: what if I succeed and just end up with an even greater sense of unworthiness?

I’m not sure what to do with that insight, to be honest. But I’m grateful that swearing and sarcasm are still options.

No fish were harmed in the making of this article.

Image by Mishal Ibrahim on Unsplash