Selfie Shtick: a short story of self-acceptance

For most of my life, I hated to be photographed - actively avoided it when possible, and, when avoidance did not prove possible, agonised over the results.

These days, I randomly and voluntarily stop for the odd selfie. And yes, the emphasis there is most definitely on odd. I'm not going to claim I give no fucks about the outcome, because there are selfies I delete (there's only so much realism a person needs in life, don't you think?). However, the fucks I do give are far fewer and way smaller (everyone knows that all fucks are not created equal...).

There is something weirdly liberating about no longer being afraid to post a picture of myself that clearly shows the absence of a tooth and the presence of a decidedly dodgy dress sense. I can't justify my love of the awful hat but love it I do. Will I do something about the missing tooth? Yup, just as soon as I've robbed a bank.

It was a beautiful day in a gorgeous park; I was wearing my favourite hat; I'd drunk some excellent coffee; eaten a delicious coconut and cranberry cookie (practically a health food, right?), and just finished a fabulous course with some lovely people...I wanted to record being in that moment of living my life, my way. So I did.

Does age play a part in achieving this kind of very-few-fucks-given self-acceptance? I think it probably does for some of us, at least. As the menopause strips us of desire to breed and the associated need for protection for ourselves and our offspring, the need to please others often contracts, and that is absolutely bloody brilliant.

Yet it's not down to that alone, because plenty of women struggle with the sense of invisibility that can come with middle age and the physical changes to their bodies, and may need more external validation than ever to feel good about themselves. I suspect I am benefitting now from being someone who has never been able to rely on her looks to secure validation and acceptance.

While age is playing a part in my self-acceptance, it may not have done if I hadn't put in so much work on myself - stripping away the layers of defence and pretence I've built up over the years; getting to know, like and trust who I truly am; slowly but surely starting to live life in a way that lights me up, rather than to meet the (perceived) expectations of others.

If you'd like a little support to start having more #yourlifeyourway moments, then get in touch to find out how I can help.

And no, you don't have to have an awful hat. Unless you want to - in which case, we are definitely going to get along 😜